Rejected by Big Cookie

Great American Cookie rejected me, so you could say I got it out the mud

Despite being in my early thirties, I still reminisce about college on occasion. For your entire life before it, every adult tells you it was the best 4 years of their life. Or 4+ years if you have one of those parents…

Growing up in the 2000s, there was a plethora of movies about people going absolutely buckwild in college. I was consistently watching American Pie spinoffs and the biweekly reruns of Accepted. If comedy movies didn’t center around college, they highlighted the period of life in high school when everyone is preparing to go to college. This included the original American Pie, Euro Trip, Superbad, The Girl Next Door, and I’ll even toss Orange County in there. While these movies were wildly entertaining, I think I internalized them a bit too much, as like many, I was faced with true existential dread once that period of my life concluded.

To put the nail in the coffin, after my graduation ceremony, I proceeded to sit in traffic for over an hour just to drive half a mile back home to celebrate. A cruel trick from the universe forcing me to be in my car alone with my thoughts right after one of the most pivotal points of my entire life. At least then, I still had an unaltered optimism for my future and the idea of a fruitful professional life.

Although I consider those 4 years some of the best of my life, I have to remind myself that it was not all good. It was a period of highly volatile emotions and constant rejection in various forms. Whether it was a girl at the bar clearly preferring an absolutely yoked football player, a job application being denied, or my body ejecting what I put into it, rejection was there at every corner.

The job applications were wild. Despite having great grades throughout college and working a part time job (plus a brief stint as a TA), I was rejected by potentially every company in the Dow Jones Index, maybe even the S&P 500. One time a guy walked into the library and served me rejection papers like I was being subpoenaed.

I had a folder in my Gmail with at least a hundred rejection emails. I am partly convinced I was accidentally sending a Xerox’d picture of my ass with every application. That still wouldn’t fully explain it, because you know I was hitting those Bulgarian split squats at the rec center. For any Gen Z reading this, Xerox is not what you play Call of Duty on.

Prior to accepting a full time job halfway through my senior year, I was writing an ambitious cover letter for a business development role at WWE. Not to mention the Petco Manager role I thought I was a shoe-in for. This is one of the few times in my past where I would give anything to have access to generative AI. However, hand typing soulless cover letters probably contributed to some sort of character building.

This even started before college. When I turned 16, I was excited by the idea of working part time at the mall - my small town mall was sick, trust me. I applied to Finish Line and Great American Cookie, only to get swiftly rejected. You read that right - Great American Cookie. What the hell did I not bring to the table? I was downing double doozies like an animal after basketball practice. Every birthday involved a cookie cake. I was the poster child for such an establishment, only to be rejected.

I went outside the mall - Outback Steakhouse. No call back, and then multiple friends of mine started working there a month later. What the hell is that? I would still dine there because the cinnamon butter was irreplaceable. Outback - if you’re reading this right now, I’m ready to make amends.

Finally to a public golf course. I was literally on the high school golf team. No call.

When people say that the job market is tough, I ask how hard they have tried to find a job. If they don’t have a rejection letter from Great American Cookie, then they aren’t trying hard enough.

-AA